quick protip: if someone is crying or freaking out over something minor, eg wifi not connecting, can’t find their hat, people talking too loud, do NOT tell them how small or petty the problem is to make it better. they know. they would probably love to calm down. you are doing the furthest possible thing from helping. people don’t have to earn expressions of feelings.
I’m just gonna put it out there that if someone’s freaking about something small, they’re really freaking out about something big that they’re trying to deal with, or something long term that’s been building up, and that little thing is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I don’t know, try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be the next straw on their broken back.
Needed this today.
People don’t actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they’ve been at 59.
People don’t actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they’ve been at 59.
White nationalists generally don’t want to look like characters out of American History X anymore. Fashion choices at the convention ranged from Ruby Ridge to Mad Men, but most of the people there looked like you might run into them on Capitol Hill or in the U-District. That said, there is a type. According to my observations, the standard Seattle Nazi is a white male under 30 who either works in the tech industry or is going to school to work in the tech industry. “You’re also a coder? Do you mind if I send you something I’ve been working on?” I heard that more than once.
“That movie Hidden Figures was bullshit,” a guy dressed like John Goodman in The Big Lebowski said out of nowhere. “We never went to the moon, Stanley Kubrick faked all of it.” Water almost squirted out of my nose and it was the closest I came all night to breaking character.
“ Much bleaker is Dr. Johnson’s Seattle-suitable, “secret agent” racism plan. Basically, white nationalists meet in secret at conventions like Northwest Forum while paying “lip service to diversity” at their day jobs. They move into positions of power where they can hire other racists and keep non-whites from getting into the company. Two years ago, this method would have seemed like a total joke, but these guys really do mostly work in tech, and they were doing a lot of networking. When talking about the people he has counseled on the “secret agent” method, Dr. Johnson has written that they include “college professors, writers, artists, designers, publishers, creative people working in the film industry, businessmen, and professionals, some of them quite prominent in their fields.” ”
I wonder when liberals are going to stop pretending racists are just a bunch of rural rednecks and start taking a serious approach in combating racism. And conservatives are outraged whenever they perceive an “Inquisition” like “you can’t hold conservative views anymore in your job:(” gee I wonder why my guy.
Lol I keep trynna tell people seattle is racist but they don’t hear me tho
notice how the standard racist was a man under 30. Often people think that racists are old boomers who are “going to die soon anyway”. And, as stated above, they are infiltrating the workplace and oppressing minorities in their career fields. These men aren’t retiring (or dying) anytime soon. White millennial racism is prominent, and it is dangerous.
Relationships are scary and complicated ONLY when you start thinking of your partner as some kind of adversary.
You know how to stop being scared of relationships? Remember that it’s got a goddamn buddy system *built in*. That’s all a relationship IS: “Let’s approach life with the buddy system.”
Check on your buddy. Make sure your buddy doesn’t forget their lunch box on the schoolbus. Hold hands with your buddy so you don’t get lost. If your buddy wants to look at the monkey cage, look at the goddamn monkey cage with them. If you are the one looking at the monkey cage, ask your buddy what they want to do next, and when they want to feed the giraffe, help them find a quarter for the little food dispenser. Be a good buddy, and if your buddy isn’t a good one too, tell the teacher and ask for a new one.
This isn’t fucking rocket science, people.
I have reblogged this before. I will reblog it again. And it’s not just romantic relationships: it’s family members and friends as well.
This kind of woke my ass up because of the amount of times I’ve had a buddy who didn’t check on me, didn’t want me to check on them, but didn’t want me to leave.
Free Graphic Novels (DC, Marvel, Image, etc), Music, TV shows, and music on HOOPLA.
Free music that you can KEEP on FREEGAL
You are PAYING for all this with your tax money – USE THEM. Most likely systems will have all 3 or 2 out of 3, so if you aren’t sure call your local library’s reference/information desk and how you can get set-up or started.
Hey, highkey from a library worker:
Overdrive has a new mobile app called LIBBY I find it easier to use. It’s the same content as Overdrive just better for mobile. Overdrive and Libby both let you send items to your kindle as well.
As far as I could tell (I do have a well-curated dash), the discussion was roughly 1% sincere antis, 4% wankers, and 95% people talking at length about why the antis were wrong or liking those responses. The posts boosted the drive if anything (and made me personally verklempt to read all the lovely posts talking about how much the AO3 has made people happy. :’)
Anyway, the board, the volunteers, and the members & donors of the OTW are the ones who actually keep the AO3 up, and they are all choosing to give their time and money to support the mission of the org. Antis can’t stop them doing that no matter how loud they yell.
Even if the AO3 stopped being popular, that wouldn’t make it go away. The OTW is not trying to make a big score going public or have a super flashy site. We never wanted to build the one and only archive for fanfic. For-profit companies want monopolies to have the power to squeeze customers. We have no such incentive. We’re eager to have as much fic as possible on the AO3, because that lets us do whatever we can to preserve it, but we don’t want it to be the only place where fic exists. That would make the AO3 a single point of failure for fandom. And a wonderful part of fandom has always been its decentralized nature.
The AO3 isn’t perfect, either in absolute terms or for every user, and never will be. There’s lots that could be improved (and many awesome people actively working on improving it – I highly encourage anyone who can to please make the effort to volunteer).
But what does make the AO3 special is that it cares a lot about fannish history and its preservation and preserving your access to it, and not at all about generating hits or profits or harvesting your personal data, and central to that is maximal inclusiveness of content. It is fundamental to the entire project. It’s literally the first line in the Terms of Service that you agree to when you get your account.
If someone sincerely cannot accept that policy, then they shouldn’t agree to the TOS (which on the AO3 unlike most sites is human-readable), and they shouldn’t use the AO3.
For everyone else, even if you don’t like using the AO3 for your everyday reading for whatever reason, do consider cross-posting your stories there. Because if nothing else, it means that when the site you do like goes away, or becomes inhospitable, you’ll have a backup site with all your stories on it where you can download copies easily to be imported.
Humans had enough trouble seeing other humans as human. We are not even remotely smart enough to know how smart animals are. We would have a huge existential crisis if we realised other creatures are as sentient and aware as we are.
I survived an abusive relationship. At this point I have talked to and worked with hundreds of people in abusive relationships.
Guess what? telling us to leave never works.
ever.
I could write a post about ways to help people leave.
I’ll probably do that one day.
but don’t be that person in the mean time.
This is real quick off the cuff but:
AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘holy shit my friend is in an abusive relationshit what do I do’
1. Don’t start shit with the abuser. Your friend? Will pay for it.
I once had a friend slap my abuser.
I am not going to tell you the price I paid b/c I’ve already puked once today and I would like to not do it again.
I once threatened a friend’s abuser.
I almost lost that friend over it.
Don’t do the thing.
2. Understand that the abuser is going to be isolating them.
They may be telling your friend how terrible you are. Any slight- no matter how small will be played up into a big thing. and even if the friend doesn’t hold it against you- it will probably effect how much they reach out to you.
Abusers like to tell their marks things like ‘Oh? A missed your call. Its because they hate you and think you complain too much’
The best way I can tell you to combat that- is just… don’t hold it against them. If they withdraw, don’t be that person like ‘well if you really cared about me you’d have fought for me’
The people who helped the most were those that I felt like.. I could go weeks without talking to and then they’d still listen if I got the courage to come back around.
If you can- work with them to try and schedule things so that they can have support without their abuser getting suspicious. School projects, open places. shit like that.
3. Don’t argue with them that shit is abusive.
Don’t be that person. It will make them feel unsafe with you.
The friends who argued were friends I lost. They were the ones it was easiest for him to make go. Cause here’s the thing… people view isolating as an abuser saying ‘you can’t talk to them!’ and a lot of times its not that.. its an abuser sitting down and saying in a real quiet voice ‘you two argue a lot, and they aren’t respecting you. But I’ll always be here for you okay?’
The most you can do is say “hey.. you know you deserve better than that right?” and if they argue go “I’m not going to argue with you. I don’t want to upset you.
4. If they ask for resources, help them get them.
Don’t offer them unless asked or it will turn into a fight and see above.
5. If they say they’re out of options- help them brain storm ones.
here’s an easy opening to ask if it’s okay to help them find resources.
don’t shove.
6. Be nice to them. consistently.
Too many people were too busy trying to convince me that he was a bad guy- that spending time with them just hurt…
and at least when I was with him it only hurt some of the time.
I got out because I had 4-5 good friends who I had good times with and I finally…. there was the light of ‘oh god this is what healthy relationships feel like. ‘
7. Don’t shove. Don’t pressure.
You can say “I’ll be here for you when you’re ready to leave”
You can remind them of this occasionally.
But don’t be a coercive dick.
Don’t be gross.
Don’t hurt people being abused.
That should not be that hard of a lesson.
Don’t say victim blaming shit to convince them to leave.,
So I had a job interview today and there was a dude in the waiting room who was chatting up every AFAB person in the waiting room whether they responded or not, and kept going “Hey I’m real good at Origami Swans you want one?” and then writing his number on sticky notes before making paper cranes and handing them to his latest target before turning his attention to the next lady in his vicinity. A little sad, a lot annoying, but unlikely to be dangerous. Whatever.
Dude gets to me. We have half a conversation where he asks me personal questions and I don’t look up from my phone. I get my “Swan”. I’m the last AFAB person in the room so he’s kinda sitting there.
I get to a post about a friend needing moral and/or spiritual support before a medical procedeure, so my ADHD ass goes Oh hey, we have an animal effigy we could sacrifice to the relevant gods! So I take out my lighter and burn the swan roughly 23 seconds after the dude gave it to me, and crush the ashes in my hand because I belatedly realize there’s no sink for me to throw this in. Oh well. Purell the ashes off.
I look up. Dude, and everyone else in the waiting room is staring at me.
“You, uh. Smoke?” Dude tries.
What I Meant To Say: “No I just carry a lighter as a holdover from survival camp as a kid, and if I’m wearing synthetic fabrics that start to ravel, I can use the flame to melt them a bit so they stop.”
What I Actually Said: “No I just have one in case I need to set something on fire.”
I put the lighter away. The hiring manager comes out and calls my name. I go back and have what I think was a reasonably sucessful job interview. I come back out.
Frankenuff’s Castle 