people talk about women being ‘emotional’ and ‘overreacting,’ but you don’t see a woman making an arch-nemesis out of an albino whale and obsessively chasing it down like a lunatic for 585 pages
I often refer to my bottle-raised lamb as my adopted daughter, because it’s mostly true, it temporarily keeps nosy strangers from knowing I’m an eeeevil childfree woman, and it’s hilarious when people find out. And by that time they’re usually too disturbed by the “her-daughter-is-a-sheep” thing to get on my case about the “woman-with-no-husband-or-kids-oh-the-horror” thing.
Most of my friends are aware that I do this, and will back me up in conversations without batting an eye when I reference my daughter. And the best part is that they literally never drop the story. They just 100% all the time accept that I have a two-year-old adopted daughter. The fact that she happens to be a sheep is an unimportant detail, not worth mentioning until an anecdote gets too weird to plausibly be about a human toddler.
Which actually takes much longer than you’d think, since human toddlers apparently have absolutely zero sense. “She bites if you stop paying attention to her” is believable, “she tries to eat rocks out of the landscaping” is believable, “she stuck her head through a fence and couldn’t get out” is believable. “She jumped a five foot fence and came screaming back into the house through the dog door when I left her outside in the pasture” does get some strange looks, though usually not for the right reason.
Occasionally the joke gets turned around on me, though. I posted a picture on my not-tumblr blog of her wearing my glasses, and every comment was “Oh my gosh she looks just like you!!!” “I would never have known she was adopted If you hadn’t told me!!” “Are you sure that’s not an old picture of you?!”
So apparently this is what I look like:
At least she does look cute in glasses.
Your daughter is beautiful
So pillowfort wave 5 is up and running. I’m Frankenuff over there too – feel free to come visit, though I’m still working things out and it’s a little sparse yet.
Story time. I have a friend who likes to tell the story of his friend and his wife. Apparently things got hot and heavy between them and she wanted anal sex. They are hunting for lube but can not find any. They get the brilliant idea to try icy hot…… it didn’t get to far. They spent the rest of their night trying to wash it off.
Moral of the story? Acecpt no subsitutes. Use actual lube.
Wtf???? If you’re doing anal you definitely need to buy lube (better if it’s one that’s extra slippery and specifically for anal) unless you wanna risk an injury
Coconut oil > Lube
Incorrect. If you used good lube you’d know it feels better, is more effective and also that you shouldn’t put coconut oil in someone’s pussy
Truth. Oil of any kind has very little “cushion”. The fact that it doesn’t dry out doesn’t make up for the fact that if you wind up bangin’ for more than a few minutes, you will still get friction burns on your asshole. (Or pussy.)
Also, oil eats right through most condoms.
Just buy some fucking lube. Your butthole (or pussy) will thank you.
PSA time. Sometimes it’s ok to improvise, but with some things the right tool for the job is the right tool for the job.
Ampleforth/Lay Me Low by The Albion Band (this was written in the ‘70s, but The Albion Band, and this album in particular, is made up of a bunch of old Fairport Convention members with vocals from people like Martin Carthy and Maddy Prior of Steeleye Span, and you really don’t get more Traditional English Folk than that)
Babylon Is Fallen by Sacred Harp (1640s – this is the only half-decent version I could find, as previously I’ve only heard it sung around a fire by drunk English civil war reenactors)
Over the Hills and Far Away by John Tams (late 1600s, sometimes something goes hard because of the feelings it stirs in your breast, and not because it actually goes hard)
“Obviously ‘bihet’ offends a lot of bisexuals, so we need to come up with a better term for bisexuals in m/f relationships.”
How about… and hear me out… this may sound crazy…. but you… continue to call us bisexual… because (and I realize this gets confusing for you people so read this next part slowly) it turns out we continue to be bisexual regardless of who we’re dating.
Okay, this shit gets me all heated up. I’m just a cisgay dude up in here, but I have Some Opinions about this nonsense.
Bisexual people in relationships with folks of the other gender are not only themselves still bisexual (I’m really ashamed of a bunch of all that this shit even needs to be said, like c’mon), but their relationships are queer.
Yes, I just said that straight people can be involved in queer relationships without they themselves being queer.
The reason for this is simple: folks who are in relationships with queer people will always have to deal with their partner’s marginalization impacting their relationship. Always. Even if their bisexual partner chooses to be entirely stealth about their queerness (and that’s their right, by gods, fight me about it), their relationship is still impacted by that very choice existing. It’s a facet heterosexual relationships never have to negotiate.
Frankly, bisexual folks have to deal with active marginalization from multiple angles: heterocentrist and homocentrist. And in case I actually have to say this aloud? We should not be fucking marginalizing our own, y’all. That makes you a bad person, and you should feel bad.
To sum up: Bisexual folks are queer as hell. Straight folks can be in queer relationships without themselves ever being queer. And FFS please stop harassing bi- and pan-folks already, man. It’s 2018. Find hobbies that are not shitty.
I love this addition to my post so much thank you.
Frankenuff’s Castle 